just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
