my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
