I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
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I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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