FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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