apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
