well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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