Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
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well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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