ya dads aren't the best wingmen
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
