she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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