just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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