the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
