You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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