What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
