Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
