do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
