Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
