so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
