I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
