she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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