Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
