I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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