My hand turned me down
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
