I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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