Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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