Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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