Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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