3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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