WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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