Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
