Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
