i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
