I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
