Me too!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Randomize
