I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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