He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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