So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
