i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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