I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
