It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
