I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
