I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
