yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
