so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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