He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
