I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
be right there i have to get my cape
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
