and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't deserve a penis
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
