I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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