don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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