just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
