The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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