Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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