Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
