I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
