vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
