I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
