I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
