I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
