i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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