Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize