I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those š
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You couldnāt remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders āunlimited hand frittersā if they wouldnāt cut you off.
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